Dad jokes shouldn’t be something you’re embarrassed about. Own them.
Dad jokes are more than funny jokes that happen to be told by dads. They walk a razor-thin line between wit and dumb humor, equal parts cheesy and hilarious. A great dad joke is almost always a variation on the pun — a punchline that’s both super ridiculous and cerebrally obscure. It challenges your brain and leaves you laughing in disbelief. And although dad jokes may be fearlessly corny, that doesn’t mean they can’t be hilarious. Here are some of the best dad jokes around to help you get everyone laughing. Or groaning, which isn’t necessarily au unfavorable reaction to dad jokes.
Q: Why can’t a leopard hide?
A: Because he’s always spotted.
Q: What do you call an illegally parked frog?
Q: How do moths swim?
A: Using the butterfly stroke.
Q: How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
Q: Do you know the story about the chicken that crossed the road?
A: Me neither, I couldn’t follow it.
Q: What do you get from a pampered cow?
Q: Where do baby cats learn to swim?
Q: Why are spiders so smart?
A: They can find everything on the web.
Q: How can a leopard change his spots?
Q: What did the duck say when it bought chapstick?
A: “Put it on my bill!”
Q: What does a cow use to do math?
Q: What would bears be without the letter B?
Q: What do you get if you cross an angry sheep with a moody cow?
A: An animal that’s in a baaaaaaaaad moooooooood.
Q: Can a kangaroo jump higher than the Empire State Building?
A: Of course! Buildings can’t jump, silly.
Q: What did the alpaca say to his date?
A: “Want to go on a picnic? Alpaca lunch.”
Q: Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
A: If they flew over the bay, they’d be called bagels.
Q: Why are snails bad at racing?
Q: What do you call a penguin in the White House?
Q: What do you call a kangaroo’s lazy joey?
Q: How does a boar sign its name?
A: With a pig pen.
Q: Why should you never trust a carp’s excuse?
A:` They always seem a little fishy.
Q: Did you hear that I’m reading a book about anti-gravity?
A: It’s impossible to put down.
Q: Which is faster, hot or cold?
A: Hot, because you can catch a cold.
Q: What’s brown and sounds like a bell?
Q: What did the photon say when asked if she needed to check a bag?
A: “No thanks, I’m traveling light!”
Q: How do you organize a space party?
Q: Did you know milk is the fastest liquid on earth?
A: It’s pasteurized before you even see it.
Q: What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
A: Nothing, they just waved.
Q: Why did everyone enjoy being around the volcano?
A: It’s just so lava-ble.
Q: What kind of music do the planets listen to?
Q: What did the big flower say to the tiny flower?
Q: Why are skeletons so calm?
A: Because nothing gets under their skin.
Q: What did Mars ask Saturn?
A: “Hey, can you give me a ring some time?”
Q: Why can’t you trust an atom?
A: Because they make up everything.
Q: What do clouds do when they become rich?
A: They make it rain!
Q: Why shouldn’t you make fun of a paleontologist?
A: Because you will get Jurasskicked.
Q: Want to hear a potassium joke?
Q: Why are helium, curium, and barium the medical elements?
A: Because if you can’t heal-ium or cure-ium, you bury-um.
Q: What’s the fastest way to determine the sex of a chromosome?
A: Pull down his genes!
Q: How did the chemist feel about oxygen and potassium hanging out?
Q: What is it called when Silver Surfer and Iron Man team up?
Q: What does a baby computer call his father?
Q: Did you hear about the power outlet that got into a fight with a power cord?
A: He thought he could socket to him.
Q: Why did the computer have no money left?
A: Someone cleaned out its cache!
Q: What’s a computer’s favorite snack?
Q: Why was the robot so tired after his road trip?
A: He had a hard drive.
Q: What do you call monkeys with a shared Amazon account?
Q: Why should you never use “beef stew” as a password?
A: It’s not stroganoff.
Q: What do you call your grandma’s number on speed dial?
Q: What’s another name for an iPhone power cord?
Q: What do you call a video game rematch?
Q: What do you call a TV vaccination?
Q: Why did the PowerPoint presentation cross the road?
A: To get to the other slide.
Q: Why did the computer always play “Someone Like You?”
A: It was a Dell.
Q: Why did the laptop show up late to school?
A: It had a hard drive.
Q: What do you call an iPhone with no sense of humor?
Q: Why was the Samsung phone’s camera blurry?
A: It had lost its contacts.
Q: Why was the man fired from the keyboard factory?
A: He wasn’t working with enough shifts.
Q: Why couldn’t the computer buy a new pair of jeans?
A: It had spent all its cache.
Q: Why do smartphones ring?
A: Because they can’t talk.
Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
Q: Why didn’t the melons get married?
Q: What did the Baby corn ask Mama corn?
A: “Where’s my pop corn?”
Q: Why couldn’t the sesame seed get off the hill?
A: It was on a roll.
Q: What kind of egg did the evil chicken lay?
Q: Why did the onion get flustered?
A: It saw the salad dressing.
Q: Why is the hot pepper the nosiest vegetable?
A: It can’t help but get jalapéno space.
Q: Why do crabs never share their lobsters?
Q: What do Japanese monsters like to eat ?
Q: What do you call a happy camper?
Q: Why are mushrooms always invited to parties?
A: They’re a fungi.
Q: What do you call a fancy seafood meal?
Q: What do you call a sad strawberry?
Q: Why did the banana go to the hospital?
A: He wasn’t peeling well.
Q: What do you call a pig that knows karate?
Q: Where do pancakes rise?
Q: What is a mummy’s favorite food?
Q: What kind of fruit do you bring while sailing?
Q: What do frogs order at restaurants?
Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
Q: What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
Q: How do I look?
Q: How do you get a country girl’s attention?
Q: Why is the cemetery so popular?
A: People are just dying to get in there!
Q: What was the child who wouldn’t nap guilty of?
Q: Where do cows go for entertainment?
Q: What did the zero say to the eight?
Q: What do you call a pile of cats?
Q: What do you call a flea in France?
Q: What runs around a baseball field but never moves?
Q: Why was the calendar afraid?
A: Its days were numbered.
Q: What time did the man go to the dentist?
Q: Why didn’t the skeleton climb the mountain?
A: It didn’t have the guts.
Q: How do you make a tissue dance?
A: You put a little boogie in it.
Q: My dad told me a joke about boxing.
A: I guess I missed the punch line.
Q: What kind of car does an egg drive?
Q: How do you follow Will Smith in the snow?
A: You follow the fresh prints.
Q: How do celebrities stay cool?
A: They have many fans.
Q: What do you call it when Batman skips church?
Q: What’s the difference between Harry Potter and Voldemort’s Instagram accounts?
A: Voldemort has followers, Harry Potter, friends.
Q: What’s Forrest Gump’s Facebook password?
Q: What’s the difference between a snowman and a snow woman?
Q: Did you hear about the man who fell into an upholstery machine?
A: He’s fully recovered.
Q: Why did the coach go to the bank?
A: To get his quarter back.
Q: Why does Snoop Dogg always carry an umbrella?
Q: What did the fisherman say to the magician?
A: “Pick a cod, any cod.”
Q: What do you call a security guard outside of a Samsung store?
A: Guardians of the Galaxy.
Q: What did Mark Wahlberg feed Ted?
A: Nothing, because he was already stuffed.
Q: Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?
A: Because she’d just let it go.
Q: How does Reese eat cereal?
Q: What do you get when you light 16 candles under a romantic comedy lead actor?
Q: What do you call a nearsighted cowboy?
Q: Why did the Jedi cross the road?
A: To get to the dark side.
Q: What do you call a freshly fallen tree?
Q: Did you hear about the new Johnny Depp movie?
A: It’s rated “Arrrrrrr.”
Q: Which bear is the most condescending?
Q: What kind of noise does a witch’s vehicle make?
This article was originally published on 1.18.2019